A Cold Dark Corner

There's a cold dark corner in the back of my room,
it speaks to me and says I'm coming for you.

As I lie on my bed in the fetal position,
my eyes are closed hoping and wishing.

Maybe that one day my dreams will come true,
that I don't have to be here so down and blue.

The corner keeps talking about how I'm going to die,
all I can do is lie there and cry.

As the corner gets closer and takes me in,
my soul starts to burn as so does my skin.

My bones shall lie there turning to dust,
my bed surrounding nothing but rust.

Vinay
13-Mar-2011
Time : 00323 IST

Given into Darkness

I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness
And I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I yell for help but no one is there to hear
I begin to see the water at eye level
And I kick but fail
Fighting to stay above the darkness
But the darkness won't let go of it's hold on me
And I slowly begin to give in
To the feeling that lies below the water line
The waters starts to fill my lungs
The lungs that once held so much life
Yet now they allow the murky water to replace that
I know this path doesn't lead to happiness
But why doesn't someone grab my hand
And pull me from darkness' grasp?
Because no one knows I stand at the boundary
The boundary between light and dark
So I give into the thing that hold me
All of the strength and all of the courage
That I once held in my heart
Can't save from the water
So I slowly slop below the world of conscientiousness
Undetected by the occupants of that world
I don't want to fight anymore
I've given into darkness.

Vinay
13-Mar-2011
Time : 0031 IST

Choices

Why did I decide to change the course of my life?
I was impatient and naive that I let people take advantage of me.
My life has turned up side down and now it is crashing down.
I thought I could find love and hold it, blindly I went for it.
And tried to hold on to someone I thought felt the same.
But only cause myself heartache and pain.

I gave all that I had my mind and body and soul.
For what, only to be told that I was not the one she wanted to hold.
That I was just someone she could control.
Said she was ashamed to be seen with me.
You don’t know what that has done to me.
How stupid am I that I cry and cry.
Cry out why? Why?

Then I am reminded of the choices I had made.
Those choices have changed my life completely.
I have done this to myself.
No one is to blame.
I thought if I ignored the pain.
The pain would go away and things would change.

But I was wrong things have changed.
I do not feel the same.
For what was once love has turned to hate.
And now I must make my escape.

Vinay
13-Mar-2011
Time : 0023 IST

Love. Is that what I crave?
If it is, then why can't I find it?

Hate. Does that mean anger?
If it does, then why do I feel hollow?

Pain. Does that mean suffering?
If it does, then why does it feel comforting?

Memories. Are they not images of the past?
If they are, why is there only shadows?

Smiles. Does that mean happiness?
If it does, then why does it hurt?

Life. What does it mean?
Should it mean any of these things?

If it doesn't, then why are they there?

PS: Couldn't find an appropriate title, sorry.
Vinay
13-Mar-2011
Time : 0020 IST

This is ME

Can't you see
The pain in my eyes?
But this is me
And my life.
If you hold me close
You can hear my heart
It cries more than most
From being torn apart.
After every breath I take,
After every fight I witness,
I ask "why must I awake?"
Will I ever conquer forgiveness?
Can you ever truly
Forgive without forgetting?
I am lonely.
My life I am abandoning.
From pain I am running.
Even though these tears are streaming
I will never look back.
All in all,
I have one question to ask.
Would you still catch me if I fall?
Maybe one day you will see.
This is how I live,
And this is me.

Vinay
13-Mar-2011
Time : 0017 IST

Who do you .....?

I’m crying my eyes out,
But no one can see,
Because it’s deep,
Deep inside of me.

What do you do when you want to turn back?
But you can’t because its
All just pitch black.

It seems as if my worlds at an end,
But yet it just began.

With all this pain deep inside
I can’t take it, I just want it to leave and say goodbye.
But it won’t and I have no clue why.

I have this feeling everyday,
And when people ask me,
Are you okay?
I just sigh and look away.

So....

What do you do when you want to turn back?
But you cant because its all just pitch black.

Vinay
13-Mar-2011
Time : 0014 IST

Unseen

you are trapped in a cage..
no one sees it.. not even you..
you don't know what it's made of..
you don't even know where it came from..
but you feel it.. it's all around you..
it is full of strength
that it forbids you to move freely..
it separates you from your wisdom
and it strangles your thoughts..
you are robbed
but you don't know what was taken..
you're in a place
but you don't know where you're heading..
you don't even know how you got there..
or who has brought you there..
you know you've been through a lot
but your memories are distorted..
it is seizing you little by little..
you can't stay but you can't go..
you are trapped but no one sees it..
NOT EVEN YOU..

Vinay
13-Mar-2011
Time : 0009 IST

On Depression

Depression is here everyday
And it never goes away
Go away! I yell into the dark
As if someone is there
I feel as if I'm a prisoner
In the dungeon's lair
And as always no one cares
Do I dare?
Dare to care about anyone but me?
Could it be,
Someone there?
Someone there to care?
No, just an image
That's the way it will always be
No matter how hard I try
I just want to get by
I go through life day by day,
I thought pain was supposed
To go away with time
But it's not
It's still here
Here with the fear
Fear that I will get hurt more

Vinay
13-Mar-2011
Time : 0007 IST

No ones there at the end.

you say your there for me
but when I really open up to you , you just don’t want to see
you act like you care
but when I have these thoughts and break downs I ring and your never there

you don’t know what It’s like, to want to die
take the rope, f**k life and hold on tight
when I tell you I want to die, it’s no word of a lie
its all building up, I’m weak, I just want to surrender the fight

I can’t sleep at night, can’t sleep anymore
my constant pain, my constant heart sore
all the thoughts of death, I have and suicide
I tell you about them, why do you expect me to hide

I thought you were the one I could turn to when it got to much
well you could of fooled me, my feelings you don’t want to touch
I will just stay away, I get it, crystal clear
but one day suicide will take over, then maybe you will realize my fear

it's ok, I get it, its not happening to you
so it’s not a big deal, get over it, let it pass through
here’s the thing I have to say, now it’s my turn to speak
never push, me to far
‘cuz one day I’ll be weak
and found shot dead in a car
please don’t push me too far

- Vinay
05-Mar-2011
Time: 0105 IST